We have all been there at one time or another — fallen head-over-heels for someone, despite an abundance of red flags waving in our face. Dating a loser can result in months, if not years of frustration, confusion, tears and tantrums. It also has the potential to cause physical or emotional damage and can have a long-lasting effect on your future relationships. A loser is usually very quick to tell you that he loves you. Often, within weeks of dating, he will be talking about your long-term future together. He may even discuss moving in, having kids or possibly propose marriage.
How to deal with my daughter and her loser boyfriend?
View Full Version : Daughter dating a ‘loser’. Hello, I’m new here, and found this forum trying to figure out why my daughter is doing what she’s doing! She is 25, and has a ‘history’ of dating ‘losers’. Her last one was 6 years ago, and ended up with her having my grandsons, who is the love of my life. They have lived with me since she found out she was pregnant. She seemed to be getting her life together-had a full time job at a school, bought a vehicle, was going to school to eventually get her teaching degree.
Q. My sister’s loser boyfriend: My sister and her fiancé have been I expect that my daughter will find this out eventually and I have no idea how to explain. I also believe I will be ready to date again in another year, though I.
Dear Amy: My university graduate daughter has been seeing a year-old guy for three years. Although we were nice to him at the beginning, he is no longer allowed in our home because he has been disrespectful toward us and has called us names. Her friends and family members don’t like him. No one understands what she sees in him. We feel he has our daughter wrapped around his finger. He is her first love. She is extremely intelligent and is now looking for a job. We have tried backing off and letting her do what she wants but she spends more and more time with him.
Although we have always had a close relationship with her, we and others no longer recognize the person she has become. We don’t want to kick her out, as we worry he will manipulate her even more. We feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Dear Worried: You are engaged in a delicate dance, vying with your daughter’s boyfriend over who gets to control her.
She needs to be in control of her own life, and as her parents you must be strong enough to deal with your own anxiety as she faces the consequences of her choices. You don’t want to hustle her out the door and into a drug-fueled life with a loser, but you must accept that, for a variety of reasons, she is choosing him.
Ask Rene: My Daughter’s Throwing Her Life Away With This LOSER!
View the discussion thread. Michael J. Bradley, EdD, award-winning author, has counseled adolescents and their parents for over 30 years and currently has a private practice in suburban Philadelphia. As a recognized specialist in adolescent behavior and parenting, Dr.
Women seem to be attractive to deadbeat losers. Online dating sights have increased your probabilities 10 fold thanks to just several clicks of a She doesn’t appreciate anyone advice or help she has become a user herself about about how their daughter or girlfriend earns more than their boyfriend or husband.
Whether it’s a new boyfriend who seems like he’s bad news or a friend who sets off that little warning light in your brain, deciding how to handle these kinds of situations is one of the biggest struggles I’ve heard moms talk about. On the one hand, because you’re such a protective and loving mom, you probably want to barricade the front door and not let that person within 10 feet of your precious girl believe me, when I’ve heard girls in workshops talk about bad news boyfriends or mean friends, I’ve felt the exact same way!
But at the same time, you don’t want to go too far and drive a wedge between the two of you. So how do you find the right balance? When I received this question from a HuffPost reader, it took me back to two particular times when my own mom and I were facing this issue. The first time had to do with a close girlfriend, and the other involved a toxic ex-boyfriend whom she and everyone else who loved me tried every which way to get me to walk away from. My mom and I have always had an amazing closeness — we can share almost anything — but I’ll admit these were two times that we had some serious tension between us.
If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you know exactly the kind of tension I’m talking about!
How to Give Your Teenager Dating Advice When You Disapprove
Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you :. My husband and I have always found his behaviour to her to be selfish, sexist, uncaring, disrespectful and at times cruel. When I visited her to talk about what we were seeing, her reaction was withdrawn and non-committal, she was very loving, but said we had blown it out of proportion.
This mother was advised by Domestic Violence organisations not to push her daughter to take any action and to leave such decisions to her. Current research shows this is the best action in cases where coercive control is involved.
My daughter had everything going for her, career, great life, etc. and then she wait for this to happen. if there’s anyone out there can offer advice on how we can My whole family loves my husband now and while I do regret dating the loser.
It is definitely hard to see the love of your life, the person you love forever unconditionally, waste their time with someone who you think is a complete loser. This might seem annoying at first but as a concerned parent, you have every right to introduce new prospects into your child’s life when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend. Regardless of whether she is interested in the guys you introduce her to or not, I would still continue to suggest new guys.
I say to continue with setting her up whether it works out or not, because maybe eventually she will see the differences between the gentlemen you set her up with, and the low-life she is currently dating. Most importantly, make sure to say that you would hate to see her with someone so disrespectful or whatever the case may be. So do not feel guilty raising your concerns with your spouse and other children, because chances are they are just as concerned as you, and a reasonable course of action can be taken.
The other outcome is that maybe you are overreacting to the situation, and your loved ones might be able to help you see how unreasonable YOU are being.
How Do I Disapprove of My Daughter’s Friend or Boyfriend Without Being an Invasive Mom?
Home More advice Kids. My daughter had everything going for her, career, great life, etc. How does one deal with that??? When you can see it coming but nothing you say will change it, how does one get the wolf to leave??? I have a 21 year old daughter who failed out of two colleges. Thankfully I only paid for year one and refused to put any money into college 2.
I foresee her marrying this loser and paying him alimony! My anxiety over this is I need an unbiased opinion. — Heartbroken Your attitude toward this guy should be: “Hey, I wouldn’t date him, but I’m not you.” Don’t throw.
My daughter started seeing a guy her first boyfriend when she was 17 against our wishes. So we just hoped it would play out. I felt like something was wrong with him so ran background check, found out he is 28, has no job, no phone, no car, no money and lives with grandmother. The day our daughter turned 18, she got mouthy and hateful, packed her bags and moved in with my parents, against our wishes.
I am not going to give her any more money ever. She is planning on marrying and supporting him. He is a lazy, no good bum and I think he is on drugs. My daughter is a good girl; she works and goes to college but lets him brainwash her into hating her dad and me.
Helping a Teen Daughter Over a Breakup of a Long-Term Boyfriend
I have a beautiful daughter who is 24 years old and ever since high school she has dated one needy loser after another. Her heart gets broken every time and each time she meets someone new, they always seem to be nice at first but then she finds out they lie, they cheat, etc. The last guy she dated on and off for 3 years. His mother and father both have died, so I know she feels sorry for him and beleive me, he uses the guilt trip on her and it works. This guy is 28 years old and has even admitted to her that his Dad when alive always told him that it was easier to lie than to tell the truth.
Great advise, huh!?
Tips and advice on when to help adult children and when to let them learn valuable life lessons. The adult daughter left her kids for days at a time with her parents until If it was presented as “you are 24 and a loser who needs to get it I have a 23 yr old son who was living at home until he started dating.
Dear Amy: I am the proud mom of two young adults, ages 25 and He is 25 and does not have a paying job. He is at my house constantly. When my daughter suggested he get a job as a bartender or a waiter on the weekends, he mocked her. My daughter is in nursing school. We invited him on our family vacation. We booked three suites at the St. Regis in Rome. He showed up with an extra-large ripped suitcase and ordered the most expensive meals. My daughter insists she is willing to fight for her relationship!
7 Warning Signs That You Are Dating a Loser
There you have it. She is dating a manipulative, emotionally abusive person. He is 27 years old and going nowhere in life. She is 22 and has everything going for her. My daughter has no real dating experience.
Why is my daughter dating a loser who has been in and out of drug rehab? She got pregnant Or any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for.
I have always admired Mick Jagger: that singing, those lips, that dancing. What a fabulous fellow he is. But even he can make mistakes, and it seems as if he has just made one, by objecting to his daughter Elizabeth’s choice of boyfriend. Elizabeth is 18; the boyfriend is 44, and Mr Jagger thinks he is is “too old” for her. This is a bit of a cheek, considering the age disparity in his own choice of partners, but his real blunder is to think that he can influence his daughter’s choice of partner.
If there is anything that makes a wastrel or cad irresistibly attractive to a daughter, it is the fact that her parents think he is frightful. Conversely, if you are thrilled to bits with your son or daughter’s choice of partner, then it is probably wise not to be too effusive. I was rather keen on one of my daughter’s boyfriends because he liked opera and was able to discuss it at dinner. He and I had a heavenly chat; Daughter was nauseated and dumped him at once.
Years later, the same boy had his eyebrow and other parts pierced. I was nauseated; Daughter admired him all over again. The best option, if your grown-up child selects what you believe to be a dreadful partner, is to mind your own business. But if you feel impelled to intervene, the only possible way of changing things is perhaps by using a “paradoxical injunction” – praise the ghastly partners and be sniffy about the charming ones.
When You Don’t Approve of Your Adult Child’s Relationship
Dear Amy: I am the proud mom of two young adults, ages 25 and I do not like or approve of my year-old daughter’s boyfriend! He just does not “belong” in our family!
My daughter has no real dating experience. This is her first serious relationship. My daughter is not the same anymore. She is not the happy.
I’ve never been happier. My mom, in her dementia unit, has no idea. Hi Savy, I sometimes think that the guys who date my daughters will never good enough because my babies must date prince charming and live happily ever after. Unfortunately the reality of it is there is no prince charming or happily ever after. I think, as parents we need to accept our children’s choice, embrace them and welcome them into the family.
I don’t want to put up walls between me and my daughters.
Adult Children—When to Help and When to Let Them Learn
Dear Straight Talk : I have full custody of a talented, intelligent, year-old daughter. She just started freshman year and is moving fast toward having a senior, poor-student, drug-using boyfriend. How can I discourage this without causing a rebellion? Jessie, 20, Eugene, Oregon : Discouraging her could spark the opposite reaction — but you still need to do it. Set a curfew. Remind her that a boy who truly cares about her will respect her family, too.
Help! I Hate My Daughter’s Boyfriend! How parents can cope with their child’s dating choices. Posted Mar 08, Facebook icon SHARE. Twitter icon TWEET.
Young love! And as with most things, the parents are the ones left shaking their heads and wondering why their teenager is dating such a loser. You noticed the unkempt hair, the cigarette lighter in his or her back pocket. You cringed when you heard him or her butcher the English language, and wondered how your child — a straight A student thus far, could possibly bear to be around someone that cannot use prepositions correctly.
And all this time, you thought your son or daughter was smarter than that, and would choose people in their live who would add substance rather than bring them to a lower stoop of the food chain. The question is what should you do about it? Do you wait it out and hope that your teenager is simply dating a loser in order to make your skin crawl. Perhaps this is the teen version of a toddler drawing on newly painted walls with a sharpie. Maybe, this is just a phase. Or, maybe this is just a life experience that your child needs to go through on his or her own, in order to make better decisions the next time.
Which there will BE a next time! Parents of teens are constantly trying to maintain the delicate balance of keeping the lines of communication open — and instilling good values in their kids.